Valentine's Day

Right now, I'm sitting on the train. No, I'm not going to see my "boo", I didn't just come from seeing my "sweetie", I'm going home. I woke up this morning, went to a lenghthy chapter meeting, and now I'm heading home. As I sit on this 2 car Amtrak, I take time to explore my surroundings. The guy behind me is talking to his girl about the "surprise" he has for her. Probably herpes. The guy who got on 2 stops ago looks like he just came from a romantic inexpensive date with his girlfriend. Looks like he probably doesn't get lucky very often. The train passes by hotels-parking lots full-people with hopes of making a baby, only to come out hungover and highly disappointed.

As I arrive at my station, I see girls with huge heart shaped balloons, guys with bouquets waiting at the top of the escalator for their long-distance loves to arrive. The lights in the station glow orange, disguising my eyes which are red from crying on the train. This isn't my first holiday alone, in fact, I'm quite used to it. You'd think a person would have run out of tears by now, but not me. The pain singes my heart just as much as the day he left. The thought of him keeps me up at night. It makes me sick to my stomach to imagine him spending this day with someone else. The selfish part of me thinks that if I'm alone today, then he should be too. The rational side of me thinks the exact same thing. I can't stop thinking about where he is, what he's doing, and if he thinks of me as much as I think of him. I don't want to spend so much time thinking about him, but I kinda like it,
because its assurance that I want no one else but him. My heart can fight for this man forever. My mind can't keep up with all my heart wants to do. Mentally I'm exhausted.

Its days like this holiday that keep me going. The thought that one day the man at the top of the escalator will be waiting for me. The inexpensive date? Ours because we decided that it'd be better to stay in this year. The people at the hotel? Him and I. No babies, no hangovers, but a hell of a time.

I guess I write this to say that if you're ever at that point where you're dragging your feet and questioning whether its even worth going on, as cliche as it sounds, if he's worth it, and in my case he is, follow your heart. If all goes wrong, and he doesn't come back, you can never say I didn't give my all. If he does, then he'll still get my all. And Ill never let him go again.

Happy Valentine's Day.