A Yo, My Man...

TURN THAT S*** OFF!

I understand it's the summer, and you want to impress the young, feral chicks out there with your whip, but I'm going to give you some tips.

• There are no females outside to impress between the hours of 11pm and 7am. Is it necessary for you to come past my house blaring "A Milli" by Lil' Wayne at 3am in your homemade sound system?
• How do I know it's home-made? Well, when I can hear your muffler rumbling because of the self-installed woofers, and music cutting out due to your faulty wiring, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you did that work yourself...probably in your uncle's driveway.
• Why do you circle the same block 4 times in 6 minutes? If the dude isn't there the first 2 times you go around to make the sale, GO ELSEWHERE.
• If you have out of state plates that aren't in respect to the tri-state area, I ASSUME YOU HAVE A RENTAL. I of all people know when your car came from Enterprise. I know plates. I have no problem with pointing out to you, either.
  
• Wash your car, please! There's something wrong when I can't decipher the color of your car because of the amount of dirt on it.
  
• Do not leave the articles of another female in your car. If you actually experience the joy of having a sophisticated woman in your car, why ruin the moment with having your ex's lip gloss in the cup holder? If you actually let a woman drive your car, clean it extensively. Chances are, that lil lady you let drive it will give it a search comparable to the US Border Patrol.
  

• If your '70 Chevelle is not fly, DON'T DRIVE IT! I don't care what the hell you plan to do with it, it ain't nice now. Hide it in your garage until your 26'' rims are on and it's candy painted with the shades of an African violet in April.I think Jay said it best - "I'm young enough to know the right car to buy yet grown enough not to put rims on it." There's a time and place for every car, and if you have your "after work" or "summer ride" with rims and tints and all the bells & whistles, that's cool. If you're parking into your Executive Vice President space with the same car, then I feel sorry for you.